Dear Blog, 

This weekend I noticed a couple of things, but out of everything only 3 things stood out to me the most. 

1. I haven't gone on a real solo date in a while.. 

2. I take care of people more than I try to take care of myself

3. July is my busiest month out of the year 🫠

Now the first one is semi true semi not, only because I did go out by myself last week to go develop my film rolls from Paris at Bleekers Digital Solutions. And then walked around Union Square until i got hungry and had a slice of pizza which was kinda good. But still I don't really count it as a solo date, it was more of a quick errand to the city to do something i've been holding off since I got back from Paris in march. Since I mentioned developing my films here are some of my favorite pictures from Paris that I can't get over and can't believe my film camera even captured this beauty so clearly!!! 

Louvre Museum 

Musée d'Orsay

                                                Palace of Versailles       

Louvre Museum

Of course there are more pictures that are my favorite but for now these are some that I will share until my next blog post that will be dedicated to traveling/doing things alone. Now let me continue with my debrief! Ever since April I haven't been on a proper solo date with myself and it has made me feel a bit frustrated with myself. In the beginning of the year I had made a promise to myself that I would go on solo dates and enjoy my own company every chance that I get. And now its July and I haven't really taken the chance to go on a proper solo date where I do something fun and productive. Theres so many exhibitions going on in the Museum's around me and so many places on my notes app and tik tok favorites that I say I will go see and try it out but just can't seem to get around it. When I get this feeling it kinda feels like a punch to the gut, it makes me feel like quarantine me again or the me from 3 years back who also stopped going on solo dates because anxiety had gotten the best of her. But I need to give myself grace because this is just a momentary feeling and not a permanent one that I need to fixate on. 

Now next one on the list that kind of connects to the first one but not entirely. Ever since I was 10 years old i've been taking care of someone else, and as i grew up I realized that I never once have stopped to check in with myself and ask myself "are you okay?" and "what do you need for yourself?". I have always put my needs on the back burner, and made everybody's needs a first priority. Which is my mistake for doing because after a certain while we are the ones that allow to continue to accept those kinds of things in life whether we are doing it subconsciously or consciously. But nonetheless it's something that i've been trying to work on this year, learning how to water/ take care of myself before I go and try to do it for somebody else. If I can't be there for myself then how can I be there for someone? 

And last but not least the last one on my list....... July is always my busiest month out of the year. No matter how much I try not to have it be so packed with things, somehow something new always pops up. This month alone I have 4 back to back birthdays and birthday parties, and then I also have my job and my job errands. And in between all of that I have not gotten the chance to relax and enjoy my own company, or read a book that I have on my "To Be Read" list!! Somehow in some ways all three things on my list seem to have one common denominator..... and that is not putting myself first and going back to doing the things I love or checking in with myself when major events happen through out my life. 

Maybe you guys have felt the same way too, and are probably struggling with the same notion as I am. Hopefully we can get over this feeling too and get back to taking care of ourselves and doing the things we love! Happy Monday and may this week be magical!

                                               Xoxo, Sam <3