Hi Divas,

Just incase you visit my page and see things popping and disappearing it's just me editing things around and adding features to continue making this blog feel like me! So don't mind me and the weird changes being made LOL..... 

Hope your guys week is going well and magical, and ill speak to you guys in my next post this weekend. 

                         Xoxo, Sam💋

Dear Blog, 

What song would you say defines your current era in life at this moment? 

The song that I've been currently listening to non-stop has been from Sienna Spiro called "Pure". Her entire album has me in a chokehold, the way she builds up each emotions in every song is INSANE. But this one in particular has made me feel a certain emotion that I can't seem to shake off. Now i've listened to my fair share of songs that have made me feel strong emotions before, but this one has taken the cake for sure! (inserting lyrics example that has me hooked) 

[Refrain]
And I don't know what this all means
What this all means? It don't feel like me
And you won't give me the deal
I wish I was real, I wish I was

[Chorus]
I think about it all the time
What I've been doing with my life
'Cause when it calls me back again
I hope it meant something
I hope it meant something

The moment I heard that chorus I was left speechless, and started tearing up right away. The parts that struck me the most were: "I think about it all the time What I've been doing with my life" and "What this all means? It don't feel like me". Lately I've been going through the motions, and been thinking a lot about my path in life. Ever since i've graduated high school in 2020 part of me feels like i've been in the same emotional, and physical loop. Though I can be blind to my own accomplishments and the way i've changed since then, I still have this constant voice in my head telling me that I haven't been doing enough. 

I am a dreamer and as a dreamer sometimes we end up getting stuck in dreamland and decide to put reality far away from our review mirror. And I think because i've allowed myself to be in my dreamland for so long, I haven't given myself the chance to truly put into action those dreams/goals i've had built for myself since I was a teenager. Part of me believes that I won't become the person that I dream about everyday due to the constant doubts and fear I have built around it from traumas. The 'What If's' haunt me constantly and I eventually end up letting the cons on my list in my head beat me. And thats when the part of 'What I've been doing with my life' comes to play, I wonder so much what have I done since 2020, and who i've become. Have I become someone kinder, someone who still cares about the things she loves, someone who takes risk and doesn't think about the consequences, or someone who takes life by the throat and lets it know that it's going to live and not be in survival mode anymore! I like to think that I have, I hope that I have... 

Sienna Spiro really struck a cord in me, her song has undone me in ways that make me question everything around me. She is a rising star and a breath of fresh air in music right now. That's not even accounting for all the female artist that are breaking the charts as I am writing this (lol). 

Let me know what song describes your current era down below. Happy Sunday diva's, I hope that this week is a magical one, and that you all be safe! 

                                              Xoxo, Sam💋

Dear Blog, 

This month the book club that I am in is reading this book called "Our Perfect Storm" By Carley Fortune. Before I continue my ted talk, the book club that I am in is called "Hot and Well-Read" created by Victoria Villaroel on the app called Fable. Just incase you guys would like to join us and read along with us too! 

Now let's get back to my ted talk!

The two main characters named Frankie and George are long time best friends. They come together for a week in Tofino after Frankie fiancé left her the day of the wedding with a note saying "I love you, but I can't marry you". Frankie and George's friendship in the beginning of the book seem to be a bit estranged and in a semi rough patch. George uses this opportunity to create a plan in helping his best friend get over her heartbreak, and also fix their friendship before it's too late. They both decide to go on what would've been her honeymoon trip on one last adventure together before having to go their separate ways and back to their regular life's. 

 As I am reading the book, I am suddenly hit with this kind of nostalgia that i've experienced quite before. And that is the longing of being intimate with someone your fond with, without ever having to take off your clothes. As humans I feel like we have lost the art of truly being intimate with someone with out it ever reaching the physical state. Now I know sex is something that we all crave as humans beings especially to take the edge off or to connect with someone we "love" or to connect in general. But when was the last time you ever truly connected with someone without it resulting in sex? 

And that is something I yearn for everyday, to connect with someone on a deeper level where our end result is not sex. To sit in comfortable silence, to hold hands while walking, to read each other favorite book to each other, to share wired headphones and play a song we both love, slow dance in the kitchen, tell silly stories about our childhood, and what made us become the person we are today. 

     

I only had this kind of encounter two times in my life with two people who I don't talk to anymore. Yet as I am writing this I can still remember the way I felt in those moments just like it was yesterday. 

Intimacy is a lost art that I hope we can bring back with each other, whether that be platonic or romantic. I truly do hope that and can't wait to experience it again with someone I love or meet along the way... I hope you guys enjoyed this small ted talk and I hope you guys get to experience the same thing because gosh is it a magical feeling.

                                                                

                                                                       Xoxo, Sam💋

                                                     

Dear Blog, 

I want to buy everything so I buy NOTHING....... 

I have this itch to just say FUCK IT and get everything I want in all my carts. But the responsible adult in me doesn't let me pull the trigger and just get all the things I want. And because of that I just end up buying nothing and beating myself up for it!!! For example, I am going on vacation to Cancun Mexico next month with my cousin and her husband and you already know how this goes. Vacation = buying new clothes for the days you're staying there, restocking on all skincare products for the trip, getting last min makeup products to look beautiful for your digital pictures and film camera. Buying cute accessories to go with your outfit so that it looks like you didn't put a single thought into styling it but knowing it took you 4-7 hours going through outfit inspo on pinterest just to come up with the outfit look!!!! 

Do you guys see my dilemma? Its hard being a woman out here. *insert shaking my head emoji* . But on top of me also wanting to get all these things for my vacation I also want to buy regular things that i've had in my cart for ages (aka a couple of weeks, aka since June) as a way of spoiling myself. Like I am in my 20's with no KIDS, no HUSBAND/ WIFE, no HOUSEHOLD responsibilities (I still live with my parents, so I don't pay for anything just yet) and because I don't have those type of worries in my life, I just want to spend my money on the things that bring me JOY ;/..... 

Just thinking about all of this gives me a headache ughhh , what should a girl do y'all? I am in SHAMBLES just debating to pull the trigger on buying everything and dealing with the guilt/ consequences of my own actions later on! I would say give me suggestions but I don't have any readers yet.... till then I will report back on what I decided to do. 

                                                                                 Xoxo, Sam💋