Vacation Prep Stress

Divas, your girl is stressed right now! Well not over the top stressed but you know mid level stressed about preparing for my vacation this week. If God's willing so I am going on vacation this Thursday to Cancun Mexico with my cousin and her husband. This past weekend and today has been all about vacation prepping and I am reaching 'E' on my energy level tank. Not only that but my period decided to come TODAY...... *moment of silence please*. 

Now I am here praying to God to just post-pone my period this week and just give it to me at the beginning of September. Anyways I won't stress myself more on that topic aka my period, back to vacation prep talk. I've been doing all the basic packing like toiletry bag, makeup bag, hair bag, and all my cameras (film, digital, camcorder) bag. I also did outfit prep on my notes app with every outfit I am going to take in my carry on just so that I wouldn't overpack and take clothes I know I won't wear. I have it divided into sections, the day outfits on one side with their accessories and shoes. And then the night outfits on the other side same technique too. Doing this has saved me up some time since I already had the outfit put together on my notes app and I also always have my toiletry bag ready inside my storage bin for my trips. 

The real stress comes from doing the self-care part. Waxing your area and armpits, shaving your entire body, shaving your face and doing a hydration mask, and then doing my own gel pedicure and gel x nails. I am a DIY girly okay!!!! Saving money is my number one priority when it comes to self-care. But being a DIY girly comes with stress, because most of the time you just want someone to do it for you. 

I won't make this a long post, technically this wasn't going to be the post of the week. I am still writing the other post, I just have some writers block with it due to all the vacation prep and my job. If God's willing so when I come back from Mexico I will get back to the other post and back to blogging. 

Have a beautiful week divas, serve cunt always! 

                                                                          Xoxo, Sam💋

Dear my fellow diva readers, 

Since this is a safe space and judgement free zone, I am going to confess something very funny ........ 

Would you girls believe me if I said I haven't had sex or kissed anyone in 4 YEARS!!! *cue the audible gasps*. 

I know I know how am I even holding up right now !? Well divas I am here to say I am not holding up too well, even though I don't really care much about the sex part. I live in New York, the male population over here especially around where I live are not as CLEAN as they seem or tell you. And it's not because I don't want to ( I really do) but the men of our generation have made it hard to want to. And also the last time I had sex and kissed somebody I was left quite unsatisfied, mostly the sex part left me disappointed but the kissing was a solid 4.5/5 stars. After that I haven't had sex or kiss anyone worth breaking my 4 year spell. 

If I am not mistaken and can remember correctly, I saw this post where it was like if you have 3+ years without having sex you are considered a Nun. So divas I fear I might be considered a Nun right now. And if that's the case well then consider me the nun from the horror movie "NUN", I am out here haunting these men dreams *MUHAHHAHHA*. But in the 4 years that I have celibate, I would say that it has made me realize what I do and do not like in a romantic partner sexually. 

Also now my Tik Tok fyp have been showing me fanfic edits of texts with the actor Jon Bernthal and when I tell you guys i've been eating those fanfics up!!! kicking my feet and swinging and giggling like a maniac. And I do read very spicy books on my kindle to satisfy the itch/craving of wanting to be sexually intimate with someone. The men in my spicy book definitely beats the men in real life. I was gonna say something else but I fear that would have been very TMI for you divas to read. 

I am praying that maybe just maybe when I go on my vacation next week I meet someone in the resort. Who is actually clean, and very well oriented with themselves and doesn't mind having a quick 4 day end of summer fling😂. And who is a really good kisser THANK YOU!! 

       

Hope you divas are having a good start of your week, and continue to have a good one too. See you on my next post, have a beautiful night <3

                                              

                                            Xoxo, Sam💋

Dear Blog, 

These past few days have reignited back a spark in me. Creating this blog has been the highlight of my days! Learning how to create HTML codes for my sidebar and tab pages, and staying up at night on Canva creating designs for my Blog page has been a bittersweet feeling I hope to continue to have. 

Falling upon a Tik Tok on a random afternoon, and watching a girl show her blog site is what inspired me to even create this blog. I have been falling back into love with creating again. I have always been someone that loves to create, I would let my imagination run wild for hours with so many cool ideas. You would think I was Willy Wonka with the way my mind was wired like if it was running a factory with different room themes and a million oompa loompas helping to operate them. 

But all of that creativity died down once Covid hit and quarantine had us all wrapped into a hopeless state of mind. From that it was hello doomscrolling and staying up late at night letting the algorithm suck me in on an endless journey of self loathing and questioning my sanity. Now 6 years later here I am finally getting my drive back to create something meaningful. And all of this is from deleting my Instagram app in April and deleting the notification alert from Tik Tok and hiding it into a folder I know I wont touch during the day so I can gain control of my life again. And let me tell you guys it has been the best decision I ever made. Deleting my socials has made my mind clearer and has allowed me to get back to doing the things I once loved. 

Heres a couple of fun facts about me (that totally relates to this post, promise :) )

1. I sing, and no I am not a professional like the great vocalist of our times aka Mariah, Whitney Houston and Ariana Grande. But i've been singing my entire life, since I was 5 years old. Though I have grown shy over the years, I don't really sing around anybody anymore. My love for music/singing was introduced by my elementary school music teacher. He had an after school choir program and of course he saw something in me and told me I need to join and be one of his singers. Little me was so excited to be in something so incredible. And because he saw something in me, it lead me to so many great opportunities at the age of 5-7 years old! I performed on many news channels with my choir group for holidays, and of course my favorite memory (and my biggest flex) I got to sing for the Stevie Wonders, one of my favorite artist in music like WHATTTT!!!!! 

2. I can draw. Again I am not a professional A list artist or like the greats aka my fav painters; Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet, Pablo Picasso, Edward Hopper, Yoshitomo Nara, Modigliani, and more. But I love to draw, I love anything that has to do with art, and making art. When I draw I feel my mind go quiet and the world go still. I become one with my art, but I mostly just draw inspos I see on Pinterest, I have a hard time drawing straight from what I see in person. 

3. I play the guitar, although I am still learning and I am still getting the hang moving my fingers on different cords. I love playing the guitar, I have an electric guitar from Maestro it's a cute navy blue mixed with black guitar and she is my queen! I love her! 

As you can see I am a lowkey multi-talented queen, a woman of many talents. Yet I keep them all hidden from people lol. These are all the things that make me love creating, these fun facts about me are the reason why I have become such a creative person and became so intrigued with the art world arounds. Basically what I am saying is that blogging has become one of my many favorite arts, a space to create freely and connect with many just like me! 

I hope you beautiful divas have an amazing weekend, and continue to be your magical selfs. 

                        

Xoxo, Sam💋

 

Hi Divas,

Just incase you visit my page and see things popping and disappearing it's just me editing things around and adding features to continue making this blog feel like me! So don't mind me and the weird changes being made LOL..... 

Hope your guys week is going well and magical, and ill speak to you guys in my next post this weekend. 

                         Xoxo, Sam💋

Dear Blog, 

What song would you say defines your current era in life at this moment? 

The song that I've been currently listening to non-stop has been from Sienna Spiro called "Pure". Her entire album has me in a chokehold, the way she builds up each emotions in every song is INSANE. But this one in particular has made me feel a certain emotion that I can't seem to shake off. Now i've listened to my fair share of songs that have made me feel strong emotions before, but this one has taken the cake for sure! (inserting lyrics example that has me hooked) 

[Refrain]
And I don't know what this all means
What this all means? It don't feel like me
And you won't give me the deal
I wish I was real, I wish I was

[Chorus]
I think about it all the time
What I've been doing with my life
'Cause when it calls me back again
I hope it meant something
I hope it meant something

The moment I heard that chorus I was left speechless, and started tearing up right away. The parts that struck me the most were: "I think about it all the time What I've been doing with my life" and "What this all means? It don't feel like me". Lately I've been going through the motions, and been thinking a lot about my path in life. Ever since i've graduated high school in 2020 part of me feels like i've been in the same emotional, and physical loop. Though I can be blind to my own accomplishments and the way i've changed since then, I still have this constant voice in my head telling me that I haven't been doing enough. 

I am a dreamer and as a dreamer sometimes we end up getting stuck in dreamland and decide to put reality far away from our review mirror. And I think because i've allowed myself to be in my dreamland for so long, I haven't given myself the chance to truly put into action those dreams/goals i've had built for myself since I was a teenager. Part of me believes that I won't become the person that I dream about everyday due to the constant doubts and fear I have built around it from traumas. The 'What If's' haunt me constantly and I eventually end up letting the cons on my list in my head beat me. And thats when the part of 'What I've been doing with my life' comes to play, I wonder so much what have I done since 2020, and who i've become. Have I become someone kinder, someone who still cares about the things she loves, someone who takes risk and doesn't think about the consequences, or someone who takes life by the throat and lets it know that it's going to live and not be in survival mode anymore! I like to think that I have, I hope that I have... 

Sienna Spiro really struck a cord in me, her song has undone me in ways that make me question everything around me. She is a rising star and a breath of fresh air in music right now. That's not even accounting for all the female artist that are breaking the charts as I am writing this (lol). 

Let me know what song describes your current era down below. Happy Sunday diva's, I hope that this week is a magical one, and that you all be safe! 

                                              Xoxo, Sam💋

Dear Blog, 

This month the book club that I am in is reading this book called "Our Perfect Storm" By Carley Fortune. Before I continue my ted talk, the book club that I am in is called "Hot and Well-Read" created by Victoria Villaroel on the app called Fable. Just incase you guys would like to join us and read along with us too! 

Now let's get back to my ted talk!

The two main characters named Frankie and George are long time best friends. They come together for a week in Tofino after Frankie fiancé left her the day of the wedding with a note saying "I love you, but I can't marry you". Frankie and George's friendship in the beginning of the book seem to be a bit estranged and in a semi rough patch. George uses this opportunity to create a plan in helping his best friend get over her heartbreak, and also fix their friendship before it's too late. They both decide to go on what would've been her honeymoon trip on one last adventure together before having to go their separate ways and back to their regular life's. 

 As I am reading the book, I am suddenly hit with this kind of nostalgia that i've experienced quite before. And that is the longing of being intimate with someone your fond with, without ever having to take off your clothes. As humans I feel like we have lost the art of truly being intimate with someone with out it ever reaching the physical state. Now I know sex is something that we all crave as humans beings especially to take the edge off or to connect with someone we "love" or to connect in general. But when was the last time you ever truly connected with someone without it resulting in sex? 

And that is something I yearn for everyday, to connect with someone on a deeper level where our end result is not sex. To sit in comfortable silence, to hold hands while walking, to read each other favorite book to each other, to share wired headphones and play a song we both love, slow dance in the kitchen, tell silly stories about our childhood, and what made us become the person we are today. 

     

I only had this kind of encounter two times in my life with two people who I don't talk to anymore. Yet as I am writing this I can still remember the way I felt in those moments just like it was yesterday. 

Intimacy is a lost art that I hope we can bring back with each other, whether that be platonic or romantic. I truly do hope that and can't wait to experience it again with someone I love or meet along the way... I hope you guys enjoyed this small ted talk and I hope you guys get to experience the same thing because gosh is it a magical feeling.

                                                                

                                                                       Xoxo, Sam💋

                                                     

Dear Blog, 

I want to buy everything so I buy NOTHING....... 

I have this itch to just say FUCK IT and get everything I want in all my carts. But the responsible adult in me doesn't let me pull the trigger and just get all the things I want. And because of that I just end up buying nothing and beating myself up for it!!! For example, I am going on vacation to Cancun Mexico next month with my cousin and her husband and you already know how this goes. Vacation = buying new clothes for the days you're staying there, restocking on all skincare products for the trip, getting last min makeup products to look beautiful for your digital pictures and film camera. Buying cute accessories to go with your outfit so that it looks like you didn't put a single thought into styling it but knowing it took you 4-7 hours going through outfit inspo on pinterest just to come up with the outfit look!!!! 

Do you guys see my dilemma? Its hard being a woman out here. *insert shaking my head emoji* . But on top of me also wanting to get all these things for my vacation I also want to buy regular things that i've had in my cart for ages (aka a couple of weeks, aka since June) as a way of spoiling myself. Like I am in my 20's with no KIDS, no HUSBAND/ WIFE, no HOUSEHOLD responsibilities (I still live with my parents, so I don't pay for anything just yet) and because I don't have those type of worries in my life, I just want to spend my money on the things that bring me JOY ;/..... 

Just thinking about all of this gives me a headache ughhh , what should a girl do y'all? I am in SHAMBLES just debating to pull the trigger on buying everything and dealing with the guilt/ consequences of my own actions later on! I would say give me suggestions but I don't have any readers yet.... till then I will report back on what I decided to do. 

                                                                                 Xoxo, Sam💋